Thursday, March 23, 2023

March 23, 2023 Sakura

People talk about the beauty of the sakura (cherry blossoms) here in Japan.  When I started doing student exchange about 12 years ago, I never thought I would be here to see it.
But I am.
And I was really excited.
And then I was like, "it's blooming flowers.  This is everywhere and it is beautiful everywhere. " So I figured it was overdone.
But now I am here.  
Driving down the road.
And I almost forget to watch where I am going
because these trees
that have been bare since I arrived in August
these trees that blended into the cityscape
have become brilliant, bright, beautiful
the bright white buds look so fragile
but they are still there after the rain
after the wind
clean and pure and precious
I feel like there is a lesson to be learned here.

I am amazed at how much they amaze me
My favorite one so far is on the way to work
it is on base
on the side of the road in from Womble Gate
in the front yard of one of the officer's homes
the tree is huge
dark and twisty
with bright white blooms rising like the top of a cauliflower
like a bowl of freshly popped popcorn
like an umbrella of unfurling life
and I, who miss the azaleas of East Texas,
find myself inspired by their glory.

Saturday, March 18, 2023

Forgotten words

 And I forgot about this blog.  Forgot about my goal to write just a few lines a day.  And the last week my mind has been so full of ideas, and I was wishing I had somewhere easy I could throw them so I wouldn't forget I had them, and then I remembered here.  So here I am.

Living alone in a foreign land with only my husband and daughter

14 hours ahead and living a different day than everyone else I know

3 months out from seeing my family with 3 more months to go

traveling every chance I can to keep busy and keep the missing away

second class citizens on base without access to health care

OTC meds are even hard to find at the commissary

unable to communicate well with the locals because the language barrier is strong

understanding what immigrants face and building compassion for them every day

knowing what it feels like to be illiterate and the struggles it causes in everything

missing my babies so much it aches

adventuring and planning and traveling

Today we missed a baby shower for grand baby number 3

my daughter called and I saw all their faces

smiling, happy, together

And I loved to see them and it filled my heart with light and joy and filled my eyes with tears

And I am here with the same conflict of the last 33 years-

I cannot have everything I want

the people I love will never all live near each other

the children I love will never leave East Texas

I will never be able to live in one place with all the people I love in a place that I love

and moving here has taught me, finally and forever

that my kids are still my heart and I will choose to live with them

no matter who else I will miss

and no matter what hell they choose to stay in

I will be there

I gave him my heart

 The first time I got married I don't think I ever gave my heart not all of it I never fell I never was in love with him, I'm pretty...