April 3

 

It is so hard

communicating

to say what I mean

and to understand what you mean

It is so hard

when your words click in my brain

and I understand

but then later you tell me I was wrong

you didn't mean the words you said

I misunderstood them

but it sounds like a lie to me

It is so hard

never knowing if I understand

or if I am losing my mind

or if this is a subterfuge

or if you actually mean what you say

I do not understand

how a lie can be as easy as breathing

how the words slip off your tongue

how I believe them

every time

even when I know they're lies

I believe you the next time

and forget about this time

until the next time

when I forgive and move on

forget and move on

accept and move on

but I'm tired of the lies

of the "getting over it"

of never knowing 

of never being sure

am I heard?

or understood?

It doesn't really matter

when all you say are lies

and I feel stupid

handled

manipulated

I scream

and you wonder what is wrong

and I am out of words

years of them

I spill my soul

I share it all

I do not lie

and if I did it would hurt me

to hurt you

but I accept that you lie

and misconstrue

and withhold

and manipulate

and I hurt

but I accept it

and get over it 

and move on

again

Image from Public domain