Saturday, April 29, 2023

April 29 2023

Here it is beautiful
the windows are open
the wind blowing in
I hear the sounds of the neighborhood
I feel the breeze
hear it whistle through the screens
whip my hair and blow the curtains
Spring is everywhere
and the muted afternoon sun
is bright on my skin
the room fresh and cheerful
and in this moment
in this place
I never want to leave

Home is beautiful
with great sunsets
and everyone I love
and when I think of it
it is hot
and humid
and 
I think I am trapped there
it is so hard to get away
so hard to leave
and I never want to go back

Does everyone live torn?
Does everyone live with half their heart here
and half their heart there?
Why can't I ever be whole?
Why can't I, just for a moment,
have everything?

I can't think of a day
not even a moment
since I was 8 years old
that I was in a place I loved
and all the people I loved were too
Where I didn't have to choose
it is always a choice
and it is always hard
and I must always give up
something
or someone 
that I love

What would it be like
to live where I loved
with the people I loved
together
within driving distance of a family dinner?

I dream it
but it will never be

I must always choose
and someone will always lose
why must happiness
be so hard to find?
And why must joy
cause suffering?
Why can't I, just for a moment,
have it all?

em

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